Curse
by Val-Creative
Summary: Today is going to be a long day. /YJAM prompt. The team suffers from a bout of never-ending and inappropriate pick-up lines. For the lulz. High T for some strong language.


i.x.i.x.i

The pick-up line from Wally's lips, though a bit extreme — then again it's _Wally_ so no one takes it personally — doesn't raise many eyebrows and M'gann simply laughs softly.

"Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake?"

Artemis punches his arm grumpily and he actually appears genuinely affronted by the situation… and _confused_.

Now _that_ didn't seem right. At all.

"Are those space pants—because your ass is out of this world," Kaldur says sternly to Wally. He blushes mortified when jaws drop open in astonishment. That… no, that _definitely_ wasn't what was supposed to come out of his mouth. Wally's hands involuntarily lower protectively over himself.

Artemis folds her arms, looking between her teammates. "Fancy a fuck?" she whispers uncertainly, and then slams her hands over her mouth to stifle a cry.

"You look just like my mother," Conner speaks up, and then tilts his head, frowning to himself.

Wait a moment. He didn't have a mother.

"I'm responsible for all of those crop circles in England." M'gann then tilts her own head as Artemis gives her a 'WTF' expression. Crop circles? Truthfully, she had never been to England.

Robin cackles somewhere in the background, naturally very amused by the unexpected madness, and Wally turns to him heatedly. "You must be Jamaican because you're Jamaican me crazy!" he yells.

The younger boy sits up on the gleaming titanium stool, boot heels pitching onto a rung. "I've been a bad boy, are you gonna spank me?" Robin inquires, and bursts out laughing at the ridiculousness of what he had just spoken, even harder when several faces of other teenagers darken with mixed emotions — but mostly horror.

Kaldur holds up his hands in a '_Please wait_' motion. He grabs a fountain pen and a scrap of paper from a table. Wally lifts on his tiptoes to glance over Kaldur's shoulder and Artemis hits him again.

Everyone perks up as their leader finishes. Kaldur's neat scrawl reads: _I'm not drunk. I'm just intoxicated by you_.

He frowns down at it as everyone shifts uneasily, disappointed. There went that possibility to communicate with each other normally.

…Today was gonna be a long day.

i.x.i.x.i

In the monitor room, this week's den mother hears the collective voices of a handful of Justice League members come through the zeta beam. "Whoa, is there an emergency?" Black Canary asks.

"Where is Wally?" There is a slight accusation in Flash's question.

"And M'gann?" Martian Manhunter insists, "I must speak with my niece."

"Everything is fine. They appear…upset is all." Black Canary sighs, glancing back at the holographic videos. "Maybe you all can get through to them. They haven't spoken in hours."

The group of adults gathers into the recreation room where the kids slouch in chairs and couches, avoiding eye contact with everyone else. Staring off into space seemed like the better option.

Black Canary addresses them sympathetically, "Everyone?"

Their eyes flick up, warily.

"Can someone explain?" Batman keeps his attention on a strangely twitchy Kaldur and then an unsmiling Robin, continuing gruffly after a moment of silence, "…_Now_ would be opportune."

Kaldur winces, opening his mouth, and Robin beats him to it.

"Well…" he says defeated, "…it's not going to suck itself."

_Everyone_, every adult and underage teen, inhales sharply. Waiting. The white-out lenses to the Bat-cowl narrow gravely.

Robin shrinks into his armchair.

"Wally?" Flash stands over the red-haired boy with his face buried into his knees. He clasps Wally's shoulder, shaking it momentarily. "What is going on, kiddo—?"

Wally looks like he wants to break down crying. "I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you." Flash's hand lets go slowly.

"M'gann, are you—?"

"I think I crapped my pants so I should get into yours."

"Kaldur'ahm, what sorcery has…—?"

"I hope you know CPR because you sure take my breath away."

"Artemis, tell your Uncle Arrow what—"

"I miss my teddy bear. We should sleep together instead."

In the midst of the commotion, Superman glances down at his clone, awkwardly rubbing his neck. "H-how, um…how are you…?" He dreads to know the answer.

So does Conner.

"I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?"

Conner growls frustrated and loud, splitting the coffee table in front of him in half. He ignores Superman backing away from him and shooting desperate '_Help me_' looks at Batman.

Artemis growls too, glaring at Green Arrow attempting to hide his snickers.

"Let's bypass the bullshit and just get naked."

M'gann's cheeks flare a bright red color as Wally bemoans, "Was your father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth."

"Obviously it is some form of mind-control." Count on Batman to use logical reasoning during a catastrophe. "But _who_ is in control?"

Martian Manhunter taps his shoulder.

"I believe I have discovered the answer." He grimly holds up the Doctor Fate helmet.

"As far as I understand it… Kent Nelson is '_tired of this crock of bull-shit_' and acknowledges a forceful request for a new host immediately."

Batman shakes his head, eye lenses impossibility thin. "Inform him that if he doesn't return everyone to normal… then I _will_ have him exorcised," he warns.

Martian Manhunter's eyes lit red before dimming a minute later.

"He informs me that everything will wear off by morning." He nods serenely to Batman turning his back to him and the Martian adult returns the helmet to Wally's souvenir room.

Green Arrow snickers. "Isn't this great, Artemis?"

She flips him off vulgarly.

i.x.i.x.i

END

i.x.i.x.i

* * *

><p><em>I decided to make each of them <strong>a specific kind of creeperpick up liner **(and thank you Internet for providing those gems):_

_Superboy- the "What?" kind_

_Robin- the "Innuendo" kind_

_Kid Flash- the "Cheesy" kind_

_Artemis- the "Straight to the point" kind_

_Miss Martian- the "Left field" kind_

_Aqualad- the "Flattery" kind_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Prompt<strong>:_

_"One day the team wake up to find they can only speak in innuendos and pick up lines. Which is manageable until their mentors turn up._

_Bonus: Batman comes by because Canary is worried about how quiet they're all being. No one wants to even open their mouth, but they know someone's got to explain and thus hit on him_

_Double bonus: The other mentors get worried and come along, so by the end of the day everyone has inappropriately hit on someone else's or their own mentor_

_Triple bonus: Superman decides to drop by to talk to his clone. Conner is unamused by his timing._

_Rainbow bonus: It's Dr Fate, and he's going to continue screwing with them until they find him a new host dammit!"_


End file.
